parameters

more than a year in belgium already and the clock never stops ticking. am used to the language (tho i do not know it yet --- not fluently, at least), the way people look. even the way people behave around asians. they do think that anyone asian is chinese. (that kind of ignorance i am learning to ignore)

snow is really something. it sends mikka into dizzying spirals of joy. it cuts my years in half. and that of S's, too. at night, it fills the air with magic. i keep reminding myself to savour these precious moments. pag-uwi ko sa atin, wala na 'to. sa ngayon, di ko na-mi-miss ang init, usok at pawis. not yet. i haven't gotten sick enough times to yearn for warmer climes. the time will come, i know. it's just a speck on the window sill for now. years from now, when mikka's old enough to understand the value of reminiscing, i want to tell him, "one time, you, papa, and i were walking through the streets in the evening. and we danced through snow! it fell from the sky like giant cotton balls. your eyes were slits and your laughter echoed off the wet stones of that old city. you were so happy. our hearts were jumping that night."

and then i have perennial fears. of bullies, and bloody accidents, and meanness all around. i keep thinking that if i could spare my son my life, i would. but then again, that's how i learned to be stronger. i wouldn't be who i am today without all those slips and falls. but if my son could be as wise as i am now without having to fall the way i did, i would sleep more easily in the nights and years before me. ngayon pa nga lang, uneasy na ako e. oh well. only time will tell what shall betide us all.