happy happy thoughts

happy happy happy happy thoughts... talk about things you like to do... you got to have a dream, or you won't have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true? --- from south pacific

yesterday morning i was walking home after bringing mikka to school. when we leave for school, the streets are still in semi-darkness, the moon sharing the sky with the coming sun (sounds like a fusion of miss saigon and beatles). on my way back, the sky has lightened to a pale blue and barring those ubiquitous clouds, sunlight touches little leuven with soft glowy hues.

autumn is here, despite the unusually high temperatures of the last two weeks. perhaps my pregnancy helps keep my body warmer than the usual, but i am content to just pull on a cotton shirt and a fleece pullover with my mom's delish cargo pants while walking through the chill early morning rush. the leaves strewn all over the path form a soft, chaotic cushion beneath my feet. reminds me of a poem i have drawn into the folds of memory by ezra pound, a poem i write in the middle of the board when i begin the module on 'imagism', a brief but favorite period of 20th century poetry:

the images of these faces in a crowd:
petals on a wet, black bough.

i usually meet parents from neighbouring apartments walking their children to school, and yesterday this thought gave me a luscious thrill: "it must still be early because i've already brought my kid to school and they're just about to bring theirs." i walked into our apartment with a silly grin plastered on my face. i had to shake myself to unwind my arms from around my body. S looked at me quizzically.

i will never get over the thrill of being a mom. of actually being one. my friends back home don't know me as a mom, only as this carefree single with wild thoughts and ways.

i stare at mikka every night while he sleeps and shower his soft, round face with kisses. he Knows he is my angel; there will come a day when he Will say, i know, "ma, ok, ok, i've heard you! talk to the haaannnddddd..." when i whisper our special night prayer in his ears, his body becomes pliant in my arms and he lays his head on my round belly, embracing his little brother.
this morning i kept jabbing my tummy with my pointer while asking mikka, "who else does mama love aside from mikka and papa?" i wanted to hear him say his brother's name. instead he remonstrated me with, "mama, don't hurt kimi!" oopsy, ok, son, sorrreeee.

keep that sun streaming through my windows, please. it makes for happier moments. the grass below our balcony is covered in a blanket of yellow. makes me want to throw myself smack center and roll around until i'm a jaundiced mummy. the thick green trees that greeted me upon my arrival a month ago are a bit skinnier now, and not so green anymore. it's sunshiney colours on every leaf tip. the street cleaners are clogged with the merry dropping of leaves cavorting in the air before they take their soggy places on the curb.