i prayed last night.
there is still hurt. anger. a sense of loss and betrayal. i can't help but give in to the insidious arguments that can undermine one's self-esteem. there is abandonment. loneliness.
then i realise, after all these years, in spite of our having lived under one roof, that with the weight and magnitude of their hatred in their letters to me, that... they never really loved me.
so many factors come into play but that truth stands out starkly against the melancholia of my present thoughts and feelings.
ganon pala ang pakiramdam, ano, when one comes to such a realisation. it sits quietly and solidly in one's gut and i wonder how i could have missed it all this time but always known about it.
i'm spinning in twilight zone right now.
ps: thanks, hannahlou, for that sweet sweet email...
if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well, baby
4 comments:
No idea what the background is, so just a message of support and (unitarian) prayer
just hold on, whatever it is...there's nothing in this world we can't solve without prayers...and you're doing it right..just hold on...
erwin and junnie, thanks... you two put a smile in the sky. :)
happy birthday, svelte!
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