the internet is indeed a world wide web. there is a universe out there. from your tiny spot of table and desk your reach is soooo wide. and like a web, it can ensnare. i never thought i'd force such a view but sometimes, things happen and you can't help but think that.
here are some lessons i have learned from my one year in the world of blogging. methinks i'll number them for clarity.
1. leave the chatting as a back up plan. i wouldn't trust it as a medium for getting to know someone. there are people who are made of sterner stuff and can take words at their face value; lucky for you to come across this enlightened lot! but for the most part, there will always be MORE people who do not understand the full importance of words. sabi nga ni st thomas more, your word is who you are. if you let it slip through your fingers, then who are you? if i were to look back over the nasty chat transcripts i have witnessed --- unfortunately --- it is a tragic portrait of humanity that one sees. if you don't believe in god, such evidence should be enough to seal you into happy agnosticism or atheism for life. remember, you can chat, but only with people you ALREADY know. never rely on it as your primary means of communication. if you do, you are setting yourself up for major major disappointments.
2. eyeball is part of the farce. yes, it is also a part of your face... if you're one of those people who are gung-ho about EB's, or eyeballs, in radio parlance (meeting someone you don't know for the first time because of digital exchanges), never forget the saying that prudence is the better part of valour. i got invited to my first ever eyeball last year and being the adventuress i was (and so misguidedly proud of it too), i said yes without thinking. i've traveled to so many places before, what was this brief trip but just another drop in the sea? it turned out to be a shakespearean moment: star-crossed from the start. there was the mistrust already. i felt it then but since the person had invited me, i took it all in good faith. months later, this same person would bite me in the ass with some of the most hurtful words that can transpire between people who have met and have claimed friendship rights. i always thought that a friend was someone who could never use or twist events against you when they got upset. but this same person i am talking about was the same person in my previous entry who never told me to my face that she was upset with me, angry with me... and opted to tell everyone ELSE about her feelings, in the process influencing everybody else's opinions against me. well, those other people who allowed themselves to believe that person are part of another story but not one i will bother telling. it's too boring to discuss.
to reiterate my point: beware the comeliness of eyeball's. rule of thumb? if you absolutely MUST meet a fellow blogger or chatter... i suggest you do it in small groups. no more than 3 or 4, perhaps? but i am truly against such incidents for the simple reason that it has burned me in a way i do not wish to replicate. it's not worth it, i tell you. not worth it, if at the end of the road the very same people you chose to trust will be the first to hurl the stone at your perceived wrongs.
3. birds of a feather DO flock together. e-groups and e-forums have the opiate effect of convincing you that the world is a happy place and there can be utopia --- at least in that space of yea-sayers. mark my words: if in real life you choose people you want to be with, so let that principle govern your cyber life. you can only go so far with the niceties but time has a way of leveling the playing field, so to speak, and of revealing your affiliations, no matter how you try to hide it. you will eventually end up with the people who share your ideals and principles. that's just how it is. i have learned to stop asking why.
4. for every happy secure individual, there will be 10 insecure ones. what a sad statistic. i wouldn't question the veracity of the figure; my point is simply to paint proportions, skewed though they be. if you are too happy, too nice, too trusting, it will backfire. if you mean well, if you show concern for other people in the blogosphere, you cannot tell how others will take it. chances are, people will read it in a different light. they might twist the situation and make you out to be a kibitzer or malicious person. the cynic will say, why bother doing good? assume everyone's an asshole. and this should well be your guiding principle in internet relationships. assume that everybody is an asshole unless proven innocent. eerie, my dad's words haunt me through the years. see, dad? i'm learning, albeit late in life. but it makes sense to me now. it really does. nothing like getting burned for me to finally know what you had tried to tell me all those years. now i think i know what you tried to say to me... thank god your ear's still in place. ;)
5. the internet is an onion world. there are so many layers in the internet. it's useless trying to peel them all. just take it as it is and learn to like the flavour it brings. but don't expect it to change into something it can never be, like transparent salmon or the like. sheesh, i'll leave the food metaphor to the foodies, baka may masabi pa ang mga feeling foodie dyan.
6. keep that journal handy. for all my words of doom and gloom, if you're a real writer, then writing is the ultimate satisfaction in itself, regardless of the medium. i had to learn the hard way that if i write, i write only for myself. acid42 told me that in a chat session long ago and at the time, i didn't understand his cryptic message to me. in the end, we write for ourselves alone. rather, if by some unhappy circumstance you've found yourself trusting someone you shouldn't have, or putting too much premium on an eyeball, or hankering for the comments of readers, you can always go back to the premise that you write for yourself first and all the rest besides. and it doesn't hurt to have a real journal with you to capture your personal private feelings. put thoughts and ideas on the net but feelings, oh please, keep them to yourself. it is not worth it getting judged for your feelings. believe me, people can be very cruel. even the nice looking ones. usually they're the ones with tons of unresolved issues in their lives.
abangan ang susunod kong blog: the issues people have --- how we can match them with the kinds of blogs they write.
4th of june 2005 --> i did post an entry earlier about the types of bloggers i have come across but considering that i am still blogging, i don't think it is proper for me to post that for public consumption. i've decided to put my thoughts in a more circumspect space, more for my protection and prudence than anything else. i have loving people to thank for their concern. i have been hurt enough and it is time i stopped posting my feelings on the net because it's simply too public. from hereon, i shall endeavor to write only about issues. it's the safer path and also the less controversial one. there are other mediums for one to express one's deepest hurts and joys and... people are right (those who have expressed concern to me about my recent entry classifying the kinds of bloggers i have come across), the internet is not that medium. amen! :)
heto ang inyong tagapaglingkod, signing off. baboo.
if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well, baby
